Some Funny Things Happened on the Way to Where I Am

In reflecting on today, my thoughts are all about how things that happen can get us from where we were to where we are now.  Seventeen years ago today, my oldest child, Crawford was born.  I had gone through infertility treatment to have him, and he was such a welcome addition to my family.  He brought such hope and promise into my life.  Six months later that hope was ripped from my life when he died from SIDS. Heartbroken, in retrospect, it marked a change yet again as my husband and I had gone from two to three and back to a family of two.  Such an event puts a horrible strain on relationships, and ours was no different. I just took the distance that grew and accepted it and that things would work its way back again.  Yes, we added two other children (one naturally and one by adoption), but things between my husband and I were never the same again.  The pain was always there.  We handled it differently, but the wall of grief was building up.  Another whammy.  My husband had his first heart attack. He was not even 50.  I had just gone back to work after my maternity leave, so not only had to get used to leaving my two young ones in care, getting home to them alone and take care of all that domestic work, I had to balance that with going to the hospital, seeing my husband, dealing with the Doctors, and so on.  Looking back, I don't know how I coped.  He got better and was back to work. I then got laid off from work. That was a bit of a blessing, as I had always wanted to be a stay at home mom  Fast forward a few years. He had a massive fatal heart attack right in front of my then 5 year old daughter.  How do you explain to a 4 and 5 year old child that their daddy is not going to be there for them any more? So much for my life long dream of being a stay at home mom. I was a full time sole parent and needed to get a hand on the finances which my husband had always handled being an Accountant himself.  Can you say overload?  Yes, that was me.

At first, there was lots of support, but that soon stopped. I felt isolated and alone more and more as time went by. My daughter was bullied in school to the point where she did not want to even GO to school and would throw HUGE tantrums each morning.  My son was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. I wanted to crawl further into a hole. Up went that white flag. Let me be clear that I never wanted to do anything bad or stupid, I just was thinking that everything was against me.  So, how does this reflect the title of my post today?  Well, it's definitely not funny in a comedic sense of the word funny. It's to the peculiar sense that the word funny gets used.  Yes, bad things will happen, and they may be major or minor setbacks.  We need to learn from them and grow through them. Yes, we all know the platitude that Whatever does not kill us makes us stronger, but that's only if we let those moments speak to us.  For me, they spoke to me after the event and only once the conditions were right for me to learn the lessons.  The route I have taken to become stronger, slimmer and more confident has had some HUGE twists and turns,which I would not wish on my worst enemy.  However, they HAVE defined me as I have allowed them to do in a positive way.  I take the experience with me and have developed a thirst to help those who themselves are at a crossroad and just need that person whispering to them that they CAN take that leap of faith and move forward and become a better version of themselves.  This was why I became a Coach for Team Beachbody.  Yes, it's back to that again!

The Latin Motto of the Olympic Movement is Citius, Altius, Fortius (Faster, Higher, Stronger)  Hidden inside of each of us, we have the markings of at least some of those skills.  Choose to develop them to take your life to the next step.  the results will surprise you, like they did me.  So, yes, some funny things happened to where I am right now.  They are still going to happen, and when that does, I WILL rise to meet them.

Happy birthday, sweet Crawford 

. More and more, I felt alone, sacared